Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
