as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
