put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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