My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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