His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
