I want to make a zoo with you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
