every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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