i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
