I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
