If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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