4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
