apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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