i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
