I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
