I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
