Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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