girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
