6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
