I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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