There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
don't judge my taste in strippers
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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