Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
