she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
