he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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