you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
