there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
