I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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