I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
