Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
