dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
