I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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