when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
