8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
