You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
