I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
