i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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