why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
