the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
