I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
