I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
