Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
