i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pants are for mortals
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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