Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
