She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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