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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
