she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
