just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
