His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
