yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
