Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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