So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
